messalina pensiero

lost

You are my poison

And my medicine

You are my illness

And my health

You are my ruin

And my savior

The farest

And the nearest

The sweetest

And the harshest

Sometimes the night breaks the walls of my fear

and  I dream songs,

but they are thrown away and eaten by the oblivion of sleep

You are the shadows of the past

and the lights of the future

Let me look into the eyes of the cruel and tender,

of the shy and bold

of the silent and shouting one

You make me feel like a two years old girl

left alone outside in the cold rain

to whom you say,

before you close the door,

“find a way to dry yourself,

find a way to warm yourself”

I was made of steel and fire

I was made by the pain of my never born child

I was made by snow tempest and chilling wind

I am bleeding flesh

I am a wild animal full of old wounds,

of which I bear the signs,

of which I bear the story

Not long time ago I was walking alone in the market of my village,

bearing a big stone in my heart,

feeling that there should have been another place, maybe far,  far away:

Another kiss

Another man

Another life

Another Home;

So I started to travel alone

and to save money  just for that purpose;

with my eyes wide open,

facing my fears one by one

The fears of a child born and grown

with the feeling of being inadequate anytime and anywhere,

with the convinction of having to ask for permission to exist,

who has been fighting with these demons through a whole life.

I was caught by a flung of jewels accross the ocean,

sea of emerald, beaches of gold and loneliness

Two times I walked alone for hours through the desert and along the ocean shore

and after one day I found you.

In a few minutes the dam was broken

and a huge waterfall of tenderness towards you overwhelmed me;

I knew, that day,  I would have never ever left that place for any reason in any way.

I was lost, finally

Thanks God I found you,

my pain and my relief

Every time you look at me

Every time you talk to me

Every time you touch me

I feel  you are giving me Gold

A part of me needs the time to take this Gold to the altar,

 leave it at the feet of God,

open the heart and pray a Thanksgiving

for you being in my life

When you don’t find me

sometimes I’m fighting with myself

but most of the times I’m there

at the feet of God

and I can’t avoid it

You don’t know how much I love you