Creato da uglyqueenmab il 01/01/2007

unable so lost

to die will be an awfully big adventure

 

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Post N° 45

Post n°45 pubblicato il 04 Aprile 2008 da uglyqueenmab

Ancora non ho capito perché deve essere tutto cosí difficile. Se penso a come sto, se per un attimo evito di far finta che me la cavo, mi viene solo da piangere e mi faccio pena. Sono una stupida. Eppure non mi voglio del tutto male. Mi guardo da fuori, e alla vista di questa ragazza mi si stringe il cuore, vorrei che fosse piú serena, piú soddisfatta.

 

Vabbé. Cosí mi rendo solo piú ridicola.

 

Mama w koncu zaakceptowala nowy kontrakt i juz jej nie ma od poniedzialku. Wlasnie dzis przyjezdza na weekend, bedzie za godzine lub dwie. Tak jej zazdroszcze.. moze sobie isc od tego anonimowanego kraju pierdzidupków. Cieszylam sie ze nie bedzie sie juz krecic w okól mnie, zwlaszcza ostatnio bo duzo mnie denerwowala. Ale teraz gdy jej nie ma w domu, prócz dziwnej tesknoty czuje ze nikomu juz naprawde nie zalezy co sie ze mna dzieje. Sama o siebie dbam, a to chyba nie najlepsza sytuacja. Cóz, zobaczymy jak bedzie. Narazie strasznie sie leniuje.

 

Na Swieta nie po raz kolejny nie udalo sie pojechac do Perugii, dlatego ze pojechalysmy do Pogórza odwiedzic rodzine. Trzeba bylo bo inaczej nie wiadomo kiedy by byla nastepna okazja spotkania. Krótko trwalo, bo mimo ze mialysmy tydzien wolnego, cholerna podróz zajela nam duzo godzin. Jednak bylo warto.

 

Na uczelni mam same nerwy. Duzo jest roboty, a nie chce mi sie myslec jaki bedzie burdel ze wszystkimi sprawami do zalawienia z poczatkiem lata. Mam dosc codziennej rutyny, metra, pociagów, tych wszystkich identycznie pustych geb. Heh, co ja tu narzekam, moja geba pewnie jest taka sama..

 

Hm.. pewna osoba od dluzszego czasu sie mna troszczy. To dluga historia o której nie napisze bo to nikomu niepotrzebne. To mily i wesoly chlopak, czyli moje calkowite przeciwienstwo. Od niedawna przyznal sie ze juz nie widzi mnie tylko jako przyjaciólke, ale jako interesujaca dziewczyne. Moglam zareagowac tylko zdziwieniem, i lekkim smutkiem: to bylo mile, ale wiedzialam ze gdybysmy sie poznali w innych okolicznosciach, nigdy by na mnie nie spojrzal. Zwiazek z nim jest coraz glebszy, ale czuje ze to nienajlepiej sie skonczy. Chcialabym sie mylic, ale moje zwiazki zawsze sie zle koncza, jakiekowliek zwiazki, wszystkie zwiazki.. a czy ja ich nawet kiedykolwiek mialam?

 
 
 
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The Hollow Men

I

We are the hollow men
We are the stuffed men
Leaning together
Headpiece filled with straw. Alas!
Our dried voices, when
We whisper together
Are quiet and meaningless
As wind in dry grass
Or rats' feet over broken glass
In our dry cellar

Shape without form, shade without colour,
Paralysed force, gesture without motion;

Those who have crossed
With direct eyes, to death's other Kingdom
Remember us -- if at all -- not as lost
Violent souls, but only
As the hollow men
The stuffed men.

II

Eyes I dare not meet in dreams
In death's dream kingdom
These do not appear:
There, the eyes are
Sunlight on a broken column
There, is a tree swinging
And voices are
In the wind's singing
More distant and more solemn
Than a fading star.

Let me be no nearer
In death's dream kingdom
Let me also wear
Such deliberate disguises
Rat's coat, crowskin, crossed staves
In a field
Behaving as the wind behaves
No nearer --

Not that final meeting
In the twilight kingdom

III

This is the dead land
This is cactus land
Here the stone images
Are raised, here they receive
The supplication of a dead man's hand
Under the twinkle of a fading star.

Is it like this
In death's other kingdom
Waking alone
At the hour when we are
Trembling with tenderness
Lips that would kiss
Form prayers to broken stone.

IV

The eyes are not here
There are no eyes here
In this valley of dying stars
In this hollow valley
This broken jaw of our lost kingdoms

In this last of meeting places
We grope together
And avoid speech
Gathered on this beach of the tumid river

Sightless, unless
The eyes reappear
As the perpetual star
Multifoliate rose
Of death's twilight kingdom
The hope only
Of empty men.

V

Here we go round the prickly pear
Prickly pear prickly pear
Here we go round the prickly pear
At five o'clock in the morning.

Between the idea
And the reality
Between the motion
And the act
Falls the Shadow

For Thine is the Kingdom

Between the conception
And the creation
Between the emotion
And the response
Falls the Shadow

Life is very long

Between the desire
And the spasm
Between the potency
And the existence
Between the essence
And the descent
Falls the Shadow
For Thine is the Kingdom

For Thine is
Life is
For Thine is the

This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.

(T. S. Eliot, 1925)

 

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