PARAFERNALIA

Two Cows

 

You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You have two cows. The government takes both of them and gives you part of the milk. You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.You have two cows. The government takes both and then shoots you. You have two cows. The government takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain.You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you. You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.You have two cows. Both are mad. You try to sell them in Europe.You have two cows but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.You have 5000 cows, none of which belongs to you. You charge others for storing them.You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.You have two cows. You worship them until they drop dead.